a postponed life

My 54th year started off well, with the golden shades of autumn painting the landscape with its magic.  The winds weren't too fierce and the chill not too severe.  The sun rose in all its splendor on the morning of my 54th anniversary in the world.  I was treated to a special breakfast and showered with gifts and love, it was possibly one of the best birthdays in my entire adulthood, the frosting on the cake of life would have been to have all my children and loved ones present. As you get older birthdays no longer hold the special magic that they did when you were a child, the feeling of sparkly anticipation in your gut.  It becomes just another day and the magic is lost.  But this year felt quite special, and I woke up feeling rejuvenated. And last night I lay in bed, writing in my head.  I wondered whether I should get up and put pen to paper, but then thought I would remember all the ideas in the morning and get them d...

I 've been sitting thinking about the crazy times we've shared. The times of abandonment and wild passion, the love and intimacy, and I've had a smile on my face all the way through the reminiscing. There was the first time we went for a romantic walk along the beach and I made such an arse of myself, I just wanted the rocks to swallow me up.  There were the serious times, when you looked so fierce and amazingly handsome    There were the funny times that I laughed so much    And through all of those times, even the confusing sad times,

There are those few minutes each morning, when I lie in bed, somewhere in the twilight between sleeping and waking. I think of you in those moments, feeling your body warm against my back. You’re there, I know you aren’t really, but if I keep my eyes closed for longer, you will remain. But always the realist, I know you aren’t, and I know I have to get out of bed and face reality. I keep asking myself how I got here and suppose it must have been one of those days when I felt you had rejected me yet again. A person gets tired of being rejected, and so I felt that I had to have a plan B to get on with. One that would prevent me from falling apart and making a fool of myself. It’s always easier having a plan, it makes you look like you have a mission in life and people don’t have to feel sorry for you again. So this was my mission, to come to the UK and make some money and get my passport. And that’s what I’m going to try and do, well I can’t just try, I’ve done that before,...