Food For Thought

The Leaning Tree of Eynsham Hall

Abraham Lincoln once said :

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.

You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.

You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.

You cannot help the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.

You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.

You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatreds.

You cannot establish security on borrowed money.

You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence.

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

How true is that? It's something that I have always known, but the words that have always meant the most to me, are the opening words – you cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. I have always been very strong, physically – of course, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, absolutely. There are days when I wish I wasn't, sometimes I would love to be weak so that somebody else will take over and give me a break, or I wish I could have an emotional breakdown, but no matter how I've tried, it wont happen because I have a secret supply of strength that even I cant control. I get to the end of my tether and I think “that's it, now I'm going to have a nervous break down and somebody can take me to hospital and I will lie down and have a rest”. Sorry, it ain't never gonna happen, damn!

For me that is what life has always been about, I think our whole family were raised like that, possibly out of necessity, but I think mostly we just grew up having it already. Well most of us. Everybody has a “lost boy or girl” in their family somewhere, and ours was no different.

Why is it that when a woman is over forty and single, that everybody thinks they are the perfect candidates to be house-sitters and dog and cat-sitters? Do we have a sign stamped on or foreheads that says “I'm old, single and boring and I don't have a life, so let me look after your homes and animals and you go out and have fun with your partner?” I don't think so! Yet it happens all the bloody time. Or maybe its just me because when I was young and married with small children, everybody always dumped their children and dogs at my house so that they could all go out and have fun and I would look after their children. Maybe even back then, they could all see the writing on my forehead.

Don't get me wrong, I love children and animals, I don't know what I would ever do without them, more-so the children of course, but if I could, and everybody who knows me, knows that I have always wanted to, I would start my own home for children, animals and in fact everybody. And everybody would be welcome, that's all I would need and then the rest of the world can just bugger off.

I've had an idea about God that's been forming and brewing in my mind for a long time now. With all the religions saying that their God is the only God, and I've been thinking that somehow they are all right, and that in fact there is only one God and he is the same God that all the “faiths” are worshiping, so they are all right in that theirs is the only God, because there is only one. Well I read something today that sort of pulled that whole idea together in my mind. It is this book I'm reading, where the author says that the Hopi Indians believe that each religion contains one spiritual thread and these threads are always seeking each other, wanting to join and when all these threads are finally woven together they will form a rope that will pull us out of this dark cycle of history and into the next realm. Even the most holy of us would be able to see the scattered pieces of the eternal picture at any given time and maybe if we collect the pieces and compare them, a story about God would emerge that resembles the whole and includes everyone.

How long shall they kill our prophets while we just stand aside and look? Bob Marley – Redemption Song

Even in the most unlikely and conservative of places, you can find sometimes this glimmering idea that God might be bigger than our limited religious doctrines have taught us.

There is a truth in all religions, and all religions attain salvation through one means or another, some through Jesus (pbuh), some Mohammed (pbuh), some by doing good works etc.

Why do we have to choose which faith we should belong, why can't we all just belong to God. Instead of asking people what religion they are, shouldn't we just ask if they are one of God's children?

I made a serious decision the other day that I wasn't going to think about looking for a boyfriend until next year sometime when I was settled down somewhere else, and I knew what direction my life was going in.

I've learned in life that you cant plan too far ahead, otherwise you get yourself and sometimes your heart into hot water and your life falls apart. Its like when you meet somebody new and after a couple of dates or a couple of weeks you start fantasizing or forecasting and predicting and planning a future based on what? Nothing exactly, but we're all human and that's just the way we are made, planning all the time, for next week, next month, next year, eternity. We keep changing the plan according to how the day went. Silly, silly! I've made so many silly plans based on absolutely nothing, and I've had my heart broken so many times, and who could I really blame, but myself. But we don't, we like to blame someone else. But perhaps we weren't on the same page to begin with.

“They raked away my dreams like yesterdays autumn leaves” carol gvp

Now I try my best to plan for no more than a month at a time. That I can handle. I know when the end of the month arrives, so will my salary, I can pay my rent, put petrol in my car and maybe buy a new dress, no more, no less. I haven't planned where I'm going to wear that dress too, that's too far ahead. Sometimes I think there is an eternal darkness in my soul that wont let the light in. like my friend Sam once said to me after hours of discussion, “maybe we just aren't meant to be happy in this life”. Sammy, where are you now, I miss you? I always thought I would see you again, I didn't think it would end, but it did and it was my fault, I'm sorry. I feel unhappy, I feel so sad, I've lost the best friend that I ever had. She was my woman, I loved her so, but its too late now, I've let her go.......i was going through changes, whoa, I was going through changes.....

So back to the plans. We make them and don't think for one minute that they aren't going to pan out and when life happens and the plans fall apart we are left so broken that sometimes we don't know how to pick ourselves up and get walking. I remember when I made plans to emigrate, it took me two years to make that decision and to get my mind right to accept the change of pace, the change of seasons, country and life style. Well I got there, after selling up everything and then other human beings with other plans and priorities intruded in my fantasy world and everything fell apart and so did I. I came home with nothing, I lost everything and my heart was dead and broken. I cried for months, my hair started falling out and I didn't want to make friends or plans with anybody ever again. I just took sleeping tablets and slept my days away and my nights too. If I had had some dube I would have smoked that too, but fortunately I didn't find any, who knows where I would have been today. It was the darkest time of my life, my soul was covered over with a cold blackness.

Of course I have to reign in my thoughts and take them captive at least thirty times a day, but I know that with time I will have perfected it. Bearing in mind of course, that its always good to have a wonderful imagination. So we have to find the balance, that's the bit I'm struggling with at the moment because I have always had such a wonderful wonderful imagination.

In my life its always been diamonds and rust, I dream diamonds, but its rust I get.

I had thoughts, ideas, feelings in my heart that were running to the finish line like race horses but in my head I was reigning them in and leading them through a quiet pathway in the forest so that they wouldn't be seen before the time was right.

Have you ever had a day that was so perfect that you would have been happy in the middle of it to just lie down and die knowing that all the good things you've ever wanted were happening right there on that day? That is what yesterday felt like, it was all so surreal. The setting in the huge garden, the music and songs that I had never heard before, but my soul sang in tune. The company was so relaxed and friendly, inviting. It was all just so perfect, it was like God himself was busy putting everything into place just for me. It was like an amazing connection with everybody and everything on a spiritual level. Hard to explain but if its happened to you, then you will be smiling right now because you know what I'm saying.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Life in the rear view mirror has always been better for me

the love you see when you go past

wont hurt you at all

the opportunities you leave behind

don't have to disappoint you at all

before you get too involved

you've already by passed all the hurt and frustrations

and so you sail on by

so wave good bye as

I pass on bye

see me smile in the rear view mirror

…...........

come take a walk with me along suicide lane

your journey down here will not be in vain

see all the sunken faces, the unseeing eyes

the scars and the tatters across the skies

there's nothing left to live for if you stray this way

“its getting to the point where
I'm no fun anymore, I am sorry, sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry out loud, I am lonely, I am yours , you are mine, you are what you are, you make it hard”

(Mike and the mechanics

If I were you I wouldn't hurt the ones you love

I wouldn't make them cry if I were you I would learn to see the other point of view where you'd not even try. )

…...........

And then, along came Dennis. He had a very keen belly which took me off guard and made me take a second look at him. He was introduced to me by Helene the art teacher, we were practically forced on each other. Thank you Helene! So as mentioned earlier, don't make plans because life happens when you aren't looking. Thank God for that.

Yip, I know what you're thinking. He does look a bit dodgy! Jokes aside, he isn't dodgy at all, he is loving and kind and sincere and he loves me.  Can hardly believe it myself, but its true.  He's a lover, not a fighter (hmm) he's a poet and an artist.  And I love him.

I was going to post a picture of the "keen belly" then thought I'd better not just incase he gets to read this.  Love you honey :)

21/8

Carelessly free-falling, into the light

into the warmth into your love

helplessly fighting against the fall,

there's no way out, so surrender all.

Before there was you, it was a defiant face turned to the world

a need to prove that I could do it alone

endlessly praying for inner strength and direction

and

He sent you,

its a wonderful, wonderful life.

…............

It feels like at last I can actually lean back and get comfortable in my chair.

No more sitting on the edge, muscles tense,

ready to leap ahead in preparation of the next disaster.

You have filled me with inspiration, words long forgotten swirling in my head, emotions and feelings, used in a previous life, flooding back to remind me that its a wonderful, wonderful life,

so don't you run and hide, just free-fall, carelessly into the light, into my heart.

…..........

He said that trust is love's pillow. He was right.

….........

on the road again, I want to get back on the road again,

find a new road, take a new path, into the jungles, into the wild

to the land of the shifting sands and humpy backed camels

to the woods, wild and free, to the hills where the gypsy's roam and the faeries play among the flowers,

and golden haired children paddle in the stream,

where the stars pirouette across the night sky, and the warm winds caress our souls.

HUCKLEBERRY ZACHARY FYNN

….........

from Dennis Hammerschlag

Cally came with the Jasmine.

When my wounds had closed.

No warning

From the moving Earth

Just there with the need

To feed

Mine.
How kind the Fates

in concert are.

How soft is life.

the shadow of her missing light follows me everywhere – posted on twitter.

Edie Beady Jasmine McGreedy

little girl with the golden locks

..............

If I said I love you because you have soulful eyes,

would I stop loving you when you are old and your eyes are failing?

If I said I love the sound of your voice

would I stop loving you when you are old and your voice falters?

If I said I love your strong body and the way you hold me in your warm embrace,

would I stop loving you when you are old and your body frail?

If I love the curl in your hair when you wake up on a sleepy morning,

would I stop loving you when you age and your hair is thinning?

I wont say these things, although I love them all,

because its you I love, the compassion in your heart, the tenderness of your soul

and the love I see in your eyes.

7/9/2011

…...................

27/9/2010

I'm so tired of being invisible. When people ask me a question, they either ignore my answer, or start talking when I'm trying to give my answer. Often I will be in the middle of giving someone an answer to their question, and then somebody else talks over me, as if I wasn't busy talking or as if I'm not even in the room.

I sometimes see the look on the face of the person who has asked me the question, it's as if they are shocked and amazed that the other person can be so damn rude, to just chip in and take over my whole conversation. I know it's not me, its merely a reflection of their bad manners or upbringing, but still it infuriates me that they are so conceited that they think everybody wants to hear them talking.

For heaven's sake, why ask me something if you don't want to hear the answer, or if you'd rather answer the question yourself? All you're doing is wasting your time and mine and annoying me and insulting me in the process. And then they want to know why I'm so quiet!

I'm obviously not invisible, or you wouldn't be going out of your way to insult me all the time, so open your eyes and see what I see – empty vessels make the loudest noise! So shut the fuck up for a while.

And to all you moody people out there – I'm not the cause of your moodiness and its not my responsibility to deal with it either! So as Ash would say - “build a bridge and get over it.”

TAKE YOUR HEART INTO A VAST FIELD AND LET IT BREATH

Adversity is the stone on which I sharpen my sword.

Rainy days and loving ways

a gentle sway, the way you play

the meaning behind the gaze

soft falling rain eases the pain

what is there to gain

your love

it means everything

what is the tune

he's gently strumming

it's the same one

I'm softly humming

together in harmony

the notes join and dance

happy

like us

on this rainy day

2 October