MAY 2021

 

04/05/2021

 

Cally:  Neil where are you?  Is everything okay?  Long time no hear 🤗

 

07/05/2021

 

Cally:  Hello hello

 

9/5/2021

 

I didn’t hear from Neil for about two weeks and then received a phone call from Andy and Jenny  to say that Neil was very ill and had been taken to hospital.  He seemed to be very confused and had diarrhoea and vomiting and wasn’t able to walk.

 

Cally:  Hi . Any update?  I couldnt hear very well what Jen was saying this morning but your voice was very clear. So think i may have missed a lot?

 

Andy: Basically, Neil was very lethargic about 3 weeks ago so went to the doctor for tests. Hiv, TB and Covid, all negative. The doc prescribed meds which it seems didn’t agree with him. He has also apparently been incontinent for some time. Any way he has stopped being incontinent and started vomiting, and has been like that for the last 4 days.  He is very dehydrated and confused, sending messages destined for others, lost all his ID stuff and cards etc.  Poor Gemma is beside herself. She was taking him off to a+e, so we are awaiting updates. Will let you know more when we hear something.

 

Cally:  Thanks . I had a feeling a few days ago that something was wrong so started extra prayers for him.

 

Andy: He's back from a+e, had blood test, given an injection for vomiting and a drip till his electrolytes were OK and sent home.

 

Cally: Just like that. With no idea what the problem was. Do you know which hospital he was in?

 

Andy: Probably Sheppy.

 

Cally: Probably. Thanks for update

 

10/5/2021

 

Info from a friend (Thana Street) -

 

Is your brother single or married? He could still find accommodation for R4 500 - R5000 a month in Scottburgh. I would not advise accommodation in Park Rynie, Pennington or Port Shepstone - too unsafe. There is also reasonably priced accommodation in Margate - R4 000 - R5 000 self-catering units. Umzinto is cheaper, but unsafe. Do not touch Amanzimtoti.

 

11/05/2021

 

Cally: I had a long chat with Judy. She didnt offer any help but said to try the Flower Foundation who used to assist with destitute people.

 

Will keep asking around

 

I sent an email to anerley haven but no reply yet.

 

Andy: Thanks , just had a nice chat to Den, but she isn't able to help.  I'll forward you the latest news from Gemma.

 

Gemma: I told Neil that you sort it out,  and whats  wrong with him. money is not important now.  Neil must be taken out of my house he needs care and I need rest . and I need answers . 

Jenny dont sent me money I saw last time with Neil how long it takes to stand in a long queue I cant do that. please help Neil thats important to me Thanks so much I hope my blood pressure go,s down and my heart vibration go,s away its hard to help him this way but he is very peacefull  he remembers some things most of he know coffee time in the morning but forgets to drink it Banana sandwiches stay in.

 

 Andy: I phoned Anerley, R10975pm; Hibiscus in Margate R23750pm.

 

 

Cally: That is just so much. We could never afford that.

I thought of maybe finding him a one bedroomed flat and a full time maid

Im still asking around with a few people that i know and Ash is as well

I dont know how we can do all this without actually being there and Gemma is sounding really desperate

 

Ash’s friends’ mother has said she will go around and see Neil and sus out the situation so that she can see how or who to ask for help.   I have sent her his address and hopefully she can come up with a solution or point us in the right direction. Her name is Evie.

 

Andy: Wow, that’s amazingly kind of her.

 

Cally: , Evie wants Neils phone number which i can give her but it wont help so will need Gemmas number. And if you. And let Gemma know that Evie will be calling her to see how she can help

 

Andy: I've told Gemma about Evie coming round an she was very grateful that she would be coming. Does Evie have a plan or is she just going to assess? I have asked Anerley Haven for application forms and are looking at this as buying a bit of time to relieve Gemma. If Evie can come up with a better solution then that would be great. Scottsburgh care home is 18000pm.

Gemma  [Mobile] +27 72 215 6794

 

Cally: Thanks .   Im not sure what her plan is but shes a very practical woman and hopefully will know what to do.

Do you think Neil is end of life?

 

[12/05/2021

 

Evie : Ok have just spoken to hospice they can only take him for 10 days. I have to phone dr Nel and find out what his diagnosis was...but it sounds like pancreatic cancer. I'll get back to you.

 

Cally: Another friend sent that to me. And apparently hospice can take him for ten days

Evie can only speak to the dr at 2pm

 

Andy: I don't know what his real state is, except that in the last three weeks, he's gone from being very sharp to not being able to use his phone.

 

Cally: Yea she says he cant even turn over in bed on his own

 

Andy: So has Evie been to Gemma,s to see Neil?

 

Cally: Not yet but they have been chatting and she is foning around to find a place.

 

Evie: Ok dr nel cant tell us what's wrong but says the hospital has to admit him.. and that we should get a social worker in. Shes looking for a no for me.

 

 

Andy: I've received the application forms from Anerley Haven,  not quite as straight forward as I had imagined 🤯

All sorts of hoops.

 

Cally: Well it sounds like admitting him to hospital is the first step

 

Andy: Yup. Is Dr Nel able to have him admitted? I guess he 'll need an ambulance at this point.

 

Cally: Waiting to hear what the social worker says. But asked if they could admit him to hospital in the meantime or if the doc needs to do that

 

 Andy: He's just sent us message😊

 

Cally: What does it say?

 

Andy: “Inddrwmqnts of inpfovement”. 

I asked him how he was feeling.

 

Cally: ?? Its a start

 

Andy: Yes but we really need to get him in hospital and diagnosed properly.

 

Cally: I know

 

I just feel bad trying to rush people into action. I really wish the borders were open

 

What about if the ambulance takes him to a private hospital initially. What do you think they will charge for scans

What about if Gemma gets a maid/carer to come in every day until we can make a plan and we pay for the maid?  Could you suggest that to her

 

Andy: Genesis have closed down because government pulled their funds, they suggested Anerley, South Coast  hospice or flower foundation.

 

Gemma is trying to sell up and return to Holland.

Any news from Evie?

 

13/05/2021,

 

Andy: Flower foundation only take able bodied destitute people.

 

Cally: Evie said the hospital insists in a family member admitting him to hospital they won’t let her do it. Nothing more she can do. Both her and Gemma are furious that Cyril and Denise wont do anything. I have just phoned Den and said we will pay for her plane ticket and hire car and to get down there asap. She will speak to Anton and let me know. Please tell Gemma

 

Den: Hey  , do you have Neil's is number,  so I can phone the hospital to check requirements and what the problem is.  How was he admitted before without a next of kin.

 

Cally: Above from Den. Can you give her his info please tks

 

Photo of neil in chair

 

Cally: When was that taken. He looks much thinner than his christmas and easter photos

 

Andy: This morning.

 

Cally: Ok suppose Gemma took the photo to show you how hes looking.  Do you think he was actually able to read.

 

Andy: No. Has Neil been admitted?

 

Cally: The woman from the clinic foned Evie to say they have sent him in an ambulance to sheppie hospital to have him admitted for memory loss etc etc and a diagnosis. 

But she says there is definitely something wrong with his gut cos he can’t even eat.

 

Gemma: Neil has been referd by the clinic and is in the hospital PSH he has memory loss and amongst other things for now he is in a safe place sorry that it went this way but it was the only way to go Take Care and God Bless🙅

 

Cally: Yip thats what Evie said.

 

14/05/2021

 

Andy: Morning ,  Phoned The hospital,  Neil is currently on A ward , doctors round at 8 am.

Hospital  number +27 39 688 6000

 

Den: Hi , He is ward A and doing ok. Still very confused. They are keeping him in until the scans have been done, which will be next week sometime.

 

Cally: Sounds like good news that they are going to do scans. At last!

 

Andy: I've just got through, nurse said he's still confused and waiting for test results. But couldn't really hear what she was saying.

Cally:  Ok.  Do you think we should offer to pay for a maid to help Gemma pack up his things and clean his room?

 

Andy: If she will permit, I think it would be a lovely gesture.  I have texted her today but she hasn't seen it yet.

 

Cally: Okay thanks  let me know

 

15/05/2021

 

Andy: Hi , Just rung the hospital,  Neil is off oxygen, eating and not as confused, but not walking at the moment.

 

Cally: Thanks  that sounds like good progress. I hope they know he is coeliac.

It sounds like he needs a good few days to rest up and get his strength back.    is Neil still responding to your messages?

 

16/05/2021

 

Andy: No, his phone is with Gemma.

 

Cally: Ok

 

17/05/2021

 

Andy: Phoned the hospital, gave consent for him to have scans. There is no diagnosis as yet, they will try after his scans(+-2days). I have told the doctor(Joanne?) that Neil has coeliac disease. She says that his condition is stable, his bloods are OK, CSF is normal(no meningitis), but he is in and out of consciousness.

 

Cally: Thanks . Just spoke to Den as well and she told me she was handing authority over to you for scans.

He always just told me that he was dairy intolerant but coeliac makes more sense considering how thin he is.

Apparently it is Anton preventing Den from getting involved. I spoke to Philippa yesterday but no word from Mike.

 

18/05/2021

 

Cally: Hi . Just wanted to say that i really appreciate you giving me updates on Neil.

I just cant afford to get SA airtime at the moment

 

Andy: Hi ,  I am using a giffgaff  similar, 10p a minute to SA. But yes I'll get updates most days.

 

Den: Hi  xx

I called, Neil was having his chest xrayed. They said he was the same but back on oxygen.

 

Cally Do you think the oxygen is for pneumonia or covid?

 

Andy: More likely pneumonia,  as he had negative covid tests before going to hospital. You never know though.

 

Cally: Scarey stuff

 

 Andy: Yup.

 

 

Cally: Apparently there is also a care home called Kingfisher House on the coast. Known as the ladies in blue. Ive been trying to google but cant find it

Sorry Angels in Blue

 

19/05/2021

 

Andy: Hospital called to say Neil passed away last night.  The doctor said that the ct scan showed mets in the brain, they are still going to do a scan to see where the primary tumor is.

 

Cally: Oh shame no wonder he was so confused. And he must have had it for a while for it to be so quick from actually not feeling well to passing.

 

Evie gave me Gemma’s number and i phoned and had a lovely long chat to her to say thank you for everything. It sounds like she really loved him.

 

20/05/2021

 

Cally: Hi . I googled prices of cremation in SA and it says somewhere between R5,000 -R9,000. So not too much..

 

Andy: I got a reply from my friend, Above All funerals charge R9k.

 

Cally:  Thats perfect.  Once you have spoken to the doc will you be able to make the arrangements? If not let me know and i can ask one of my contacts.

As soon as we have the bank details of the funeral company and a reference number, i can go ahead and pay the money from my SA bank account which will make it so much easier if thats okay with you?

 

Andy: That sounds good.  Spoke to Gemma,  she is happy to receive Neil's ashes till we can get there provided it is before she leaves. She is also happy to gather a few friends of Neil's and go to Marina Beach to scatter them if we can't.

 

Spoke to the funeral parlour recommended by a friend in Sheppie,  cost is R9000 for a cremation and all paperwork. One of us needs to produce an affidavit saying we can't make it, giving a third party authority to collect the body , death certificate and ashes.

 

Andy: The parlour is: Above All Funeral Services in Port Shepstone .

 

 

Cally: Thats great although i really do want to be there. Does she have a date in mind for leaving or does she still have to sell her place

 

 

 She said as soon as the travel ban is lifted and she's had her jabs, she's out of there.

 

I guess in the immediate term, finding someone who will do all the running around is what's needed.

 

Cally: Andy can we email the affidavit to them do you think?

I foned my local solicitors and they charge £5 to witness but they are closed because of covid! 

She said maybe the police or postmaster would do it. I dont have a local but i can draw up an affidavit. We would need full names and id/dob of Neil, Gemma, funeral representative and you or me authority to pick him up and cremate him and for Gemma to collect ashes

Im asking my lawyer friend in Margate about emailing an affidavit

 

Andy: An abingdon solicitor is able to do it this afternoon.

Yes we are able to Email it.

Gemma is not prepared to do any admin at all. Someone can collect the docs from her though and deliver the ashes, will check if friend can do that.

 

Cally: Okay. She doesnt need to so any admin cos the funeral guys will do it. What docs do they need from her, his id book?

 

 Andy: Apparently just his ID and the affidavit.

 

Cally: Okay

Let me know if there is anything i can help with

 Andy: How do you write an affidavit?

 

Cally: Heading - Affidavit

 

I the undersigned,

Andrew Gordon Crombie

Id number

Of 10 Longmead

Abingdon

OX14 1JQ

UK

 

Do hereby make oath and say:-

 

1. I authorise xyz funeral homes to collect the body/remains and attend to the cremation of my late brother Dallas Neil id, recently residing at 5 Janita Court

13 bendigo Rd

Anerley

 

2.  Once cremation has taken place, i authorise

friend name, id and address

To collect the remains/ashes of aforemention D N B from xy funeral home.

 

Signed and sworn to before a commissioner of oaths at abingdon, UK on …..date

 

………………..

A G C

 

………………..

Commissioner of Oaths

 

Cally: That should be fine

Andy: Thanks  .

 Cally: Not sure if you need to mention that they will be collecting his remains from Port Shepstone hospital?

please will you ask your friend to take a foto of his id book so i can see his pic. Thanks

 

[21/05/2021,

Andy:    ,  did Mom ever take on Bashford's name?

 

Cally: Yea when she married him. Den and I got it too when we were born until Dad adopted us. Why do you ask

 

 

 Andy: Just to make sure I didn't lie in the affidavit.

 

Cally: How are things going. Did you manage to email it to your friend?

Any final diagnosis from the doc yet?

Judy foned to say Cyril’s op went okay.

 

Andy: They should be fetching Neil about now. They will send an invoice before cremation which also needs to be paid before. Do you have enough in your SA account?

 

Cally: Okay. Yes i should have. No problem.